An Ode to Rage, PTSD and Screwing Up

Although this is a re-blog from the Harsh Reality/Opinionated Man Website, I need to preface with the fact that I’ve screwed up a few times and have no excuses.  Four years ago at a New Years Party with my family that was hosted by my Best Man,,,, I drank too much and lost control.  I blacked out,,,and the nightmare scenario of PTSD came out.  I lost control and don’t remember to this day what happened or what I said.  When I woke the next morning, my best friend and best man told me I had said horrible things to someone and I slinked out as quickly as I could, the family in tow.  Since then, I’ve seen him and his wife exactly once.  We’ve talked several times and I apologized profusely several times.  But this doesn’t mend the damage or fix the bridges that I broke.  But, the friendship must have not been as strong as I thought it was,,,,cause that night it came crumbling down and I have not been able to mend it.  After a year or so of thinking I could do something about it,,,,I  basically gave up.  I think I gave up in 2014,,,about the same year I started this fledgling blog and have been trying to grow it ever since.  Read the rest of this to see what Harsh Reality says about Rage,,,,knowing that I was once prone to it too,,,,but wore out my welcome with my own best man,,,,who only talked to me once since then…..I SUCK!!!!

I’ve known controlled and uncontrollable rage. I think we all have. Uncontrollable rage like when we get so angry we throw our cell phone and break it. About six seconds later the regret kicks in and then a new anger… at ourselves for breaking such a precious thing! All over someone not even worth it! […]

via Rage — HarsH ReaLiTy

9 Responses

  1. I know and hate that feeling, the guilt that keeps popping back and attaches itself to so many memories.. it’s actually one of the biggest reasons I have stayed off the booze for last 5 years, just the thought of making stupid comments and actions when under the influence makes my skin crawl

    1. I have not been that strong, but I quit tobacco last October and finally told my wife about that. However, I’ve never, never gotten to that point again and I never want to. Its just that I thought I was in a safe environment at the time, I let loose a bit more than I should have.

  2. You don’t suck as far as I’m concerned. If we lived closer I would gladly be your best anything. We will meet on the sea someday and celebrate life and friendship.

    1. JDR, thanks. Wish you were closer as I have anchors I’m about to get rid of because they’re too small for the boat, but would be perfect for yours. I’ll get a good trade for them here. And,,,not sure about Maine,,,,,it’s cold there, I prefer places I can see bikinis and palm trees.

      1. That’s where I will end up eventually. Hello Jimmy Buffet and the Florida Keys!

  3. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    I think we all have definitely been that guy! It happens and is what they call this so called life. Thanks for sharing the link on! -OM
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